I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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