I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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