It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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