As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
