I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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