wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
