my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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