Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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