Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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