There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
