your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you never un-have a 4some
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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