You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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