Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
