***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
