we have officially lost it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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