those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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