so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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