My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
