I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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