my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
