umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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