if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
