you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
