Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
