Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
