I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
