1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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