if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
