Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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