This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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