He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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