i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
