How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
