you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
