The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
