Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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