Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize