he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
