You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize