If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
