shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
