I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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