he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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