1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
