you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
