I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
