So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
