I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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