Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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