he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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