Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
