I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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