My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Randomize
