when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
