I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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