he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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