we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
