jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
