I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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