we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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