I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
