I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
