What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
