I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
