I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
