Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
