I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize