oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize