After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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